advice, behavior, choices, finding your way, Forgiveness, God, God's love, God's purpose, Grace, Guest Blogger, helping

The Cycle Of Abuse

Editor’s Note: The tragedy of abuse and the trauma it inflicts on its victims and families strike a sickening chord in me. Several bloggers I follow are survivors of child or spouse abuse. I have become a friend and staunch supporter of their cause and recovery. Sharing their stories here may increase awareness of abuse or, in some way, motivate victims to seek help or escape.

The following is a post written by Secret Angel on her blog. She is a recovering victim of abuse. She has reaches a point on her journey that enables her to reach out to help other victims of abuse.  Enjoy.

This is a cycle that I know all too well.

  1.  Excuses- I explain away the problem.cycle of abuse

“He didn’t understand.”  “He is just protective of us.”

  1. Honeymoon-Things seem great.

“He’s not as bad as I thought.” “He really loves the kids very much.”

  1. Routine-He returns to the routine.

“See, he didn’t mean it.  He was just upset.  Everything is as it should be.  No problem.”

  1. Tension-Tension is building.

I can usually tell by the kids’ moods when the dad’s tension is building.  They start wetting the bed and regressing socially and emotionally.

  1.  Trigger-Something sets off the abuser.

I no longer know all the triggers that occur in the life of my abuser.  For all I know, the trigger is a girlfriend breaking up with him, or putting him in his place.  Often, it is probably something he has imagined that will trigger abuse.

….I face more abuse….


….My self esteem drops….

-and the cycle continues- around and around until the victim is able to escape the cycle and get support.

Many victims have no idea that they are living in abuse until it escalates.  It feels like being on a rollercoaster, waiting for every rise, fall, and turn that the abuser takes.  The kindhearted spouse will continue to be kind and seek ways to please and accommodate the abuser, in an effort to avoid riding through the cycle yet again.

That was me.  I did everything he asked, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.  I always knew that the mood swings, and the inappropriate reactions to everyday events were difficult to live with.  I learned to tolerate them and move on.  After 13 years in the cycle, I had become an empty shell.

Escaping the home was the first step.  Finding support to heal was a journey. It wasn’t fast, nor easy.  In fact, I’m not there yet, but I’m closer than I was!


6 thoughts on “The Cycle Of Abuse

  1. Steven, thank you so much for the reblog. I had actually reblogged this posting from another blog, Army of Angels at All of us who have been abused have similar stories. The cycle of abuse keeps continuing… until we decide to break it. We have to start speaking out… it is part of healing and part of breaking the cycle for ourselves and others. Please check out Army of Angels blog and please join me in prayer for her and her children. She is a prime example of how the abuse does not stop when the marriage is dissolved and how emotional abuse negatively affects our children who remain trapped in the cycle. God bless you, my brother!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will definitely visit her blog and read her story. I will join you. I want to do what I can to call attention to this horrible sickness in our society. Especially the child abuse. Thank you for speaking out. God bless you, my friend.


      1. Awe… Thank you for all the support! We are all part of God’s army reaching out to help other victims. You have overcome so much with all that you have been through. You are a blessing, my brother!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Linda, a friend of mine, has written a blog about her experiences with abuse under the theme of “Illumination of Personal Truth from a Child Abuse and Domestic Violence Survivor”. Her blog can be found with the title, “The Full Light” at .I invite you and readers to check out her blog and her beneficial posts regarding this severe problem.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.