Editor’s note: As you read this story, pay attention to what this guy does not say.
I am a serial adulterer. From early childhood I thought about committing adultery. When other kids were playing baseball and soccer, I was dreaming about having affairs when I became an adult. I got suspended from school the day we all stood up in class and told what we wanted to be when we grew up.
I couldn’t wait be old enough to get married. I couldn’t commit adultery, of course, until I had a wife to cheat on. I dreamed about affairs. I tried to imagine what it would be like to commit adultery. I tried to envision who my first affair would be with. I tried to picture what they would wear. Where would I see them? What would I say to talk them into commiting adultery with me?
I got married when I was 18. I had my first affair with my spouse’s maid of honor. It seemed wonderful. I knew I was destined to live a life of adultery. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I hit my prime when I was married to my fifth wife. I was averaging one affair a week. I knew this life was the life I was meant to live. This is how God made me. I was born this way.
I’m going to tell my preacher to stop harping on adultery as a sin. It’s who I am. It’s how I was made. People do it all the time. I’ve decided to come clean and admit who I am. It’s how I was made and we ought to be treated just like other people and not condemned for the person we are. Don’t you agree?