God

When Grandma goes to court

EDITOR’S NOTE I published this post back in 2014. It remains one of my readers’ most liked posts.

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question unless they are prepared for the answer.

In a trial in a small Southern town the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderelyl grandmotherly woman to the stand. The prosecutor asked the woman, “Mrs Baker, do you know who I am?”

She responded, “Well, of course I know who you are, Mr Calhoun. I’ve known you since you was a little boy, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife. You manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you ain’t got the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit pencil pusher. Yes I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room. “Mrs Baker. Do you know the defense attorney, Mr. Brock?”

She again responded, “Why yes, of course I know Mr. Brock. I’ve known him since he was a youngster too, He’s lazy and a bigot and he’s got a drinkin’ problem. He don’t have a decent relationship with anybody, and his law practice is one of the worst in the whole state. Not to mention that he cheated on his wife with three different women, and one of ‘em was your wife, Mr. Calhoun.  Yes, I know him. The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both attorneys to approach the bench. He leaned over the bench and in a low voice”, almost a whisper he said, “If either of you ask her if she knows me,  I’ll send both of you to the electric chair.”

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