When God said “No”.

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I’m Living Inside

An original poem by Steven Sawyer

I’m dying inside.
I’m dying inside.
And nothing I do
can help turn the tide.

I want to be happy
to sing and to dance
to have some good friends
if I had half a chance.

But the life I live now
is just make-believe.
I pretend to be happy
but my hurts just won’t leave.

So I laugh and I play
and I act like I’m fine
but I’m dying inside
and my life is not mine.

I’m dying inside.
I’m dying inside.
The shame that I feel
I know I must hide.

Confused and unworthy
I awake in dismay.
No hope or a future,
and no sunny day.

Nowhere to turn;
no one to turn to,
abandoned and lonely
is the best I can do.

I wish I had someone
who knew how I feel.
Who’d love me for me.
Who I knew was real.

I’m living inside.
I’m living inside.
For I met my Savior
and He’s on my side.

I learned to be happy
to sing and to dance.
I have Christian friends now
who gave me a chance.

To be real and transparent.
To pour out my heart.
To tell them I’m hurting.
To make a fresh start.

I laugh and I play now
and not just pretend.
I give all my hurts
to my Savior to mend.

I’m living inside.
I’m living inside.
The joy that I feel now
can not be denied.

I’m loved and accepted
for just who I am.
My Savior has washed me
in the blood of The Lamb.

I know that I’m worthy
but sometimes I’ll fall.
I’ll doubt and I’ll worry
and hurt from it all.

But I’ve always got Jesus
In Whom I abide.
And He is the reason
I’m living inside.